Okay, so technically my site is up and running. But have a few glitches/visual/coding issues I have to figure out still. Bit by bit, and it’s all falling into place though.

This goal will be done when my site is refined enough to do a big mail-out on myspace/facebook to notify everyone I know. At that point I’ll post a link up here too ;)

I think a couple of weeks. Hooray.

1. I’ve lost weight. Just 2 weeks and I can fit into a pair of jeans I bought 6 months ago even though they were slightly too small, because they’re hot. Now I don’t look like an over-stuffed sausage in them! Hooray!

2. I feel more powerful. Physical power, mental power, I’m just stronger all round. Hell yeah.

The route I run is town a long gravel back street and back, because it’s the only part of my neighbourhood that I can avoid running on cement, which is terrible for your joints. A few days ago I reached my first big goal of running all the way to the end of that track. Now I’m trying to work my way up to running to the end and back. It’s funny that the focus has shifted from my breathing being the painful factor to overcome, to it being muscle fatigue, now that I’m running solidly. Don’t get me wrong, it still takes a level of re-directing thoughts so I don’t pay too much attention to my breathlessness, but it’s become something that I can view from a distance. It doesn’t control me anymore.

Once I get to the point that I can run the full route without stopping, I’m going to up the frequency of my runs from every second day, to two days on, one day off. Still feel that it’s important to take this gradually and allow my legs to become stronger, because I’ve had problems with my knees and shins in the past. I want to grow strong in a slow, steady, successful manner.

Wow, this finally feels like I’m becoming the person I always thought I was, on the inside. Someone to be proud of.

Thanks for the advice. I think that’s definitely the way to look at things.

Turns out that things were taken out of my hands- the boss decided to let me go after a week of my trial period. Funnily enough, I felt completely relived and now I feel all my energy and zest for life returning!

I have zero respect for the boss, who didn’t even have the balls to do the dirty work himself, instead putting the job in the hands of the manager, who was completely annoyed at being put in the position considering that she actually likes me, and would prefer to keep me on. She told me that he tends to hire young kids who he can underpay, and have control over.

Too bad I have a bit of intelligence ‘up there’. Funny thing is, I actually had to dumb myself and my CV down just to get the job, and yet I was still too good for it. Huh. Time to find a job that I’m worth!

I started some work experience yesterday a record label, which I’m enjoying and totally excited about going back. Funny how I feel so much more motivated to go to a job that I’m not being paid for, than to the job that I was being paid, but under-valued at.

Thanks for the support, BeaWing, I’m going to keep at it, until I’m somewhere that feels right!

Just noticed this comment (after over a year. Sooooorry…)

Nice. Will give it a go when I get set up.

The job I got didn’t work out. Underpaid and crap, but I was going to struggle through, but apparently the boss prefers wide-eyed innocents who dont know any better.

Oh well, back to the hunt. Kind of relieved actually because I just felt really low about this entire situation…

I’m currently in two minds about a job I started last week. I feel that it is not good for me, not good for my heart, my soul. I am over-qualified, and yet the boss works to point out all my inadequecies, and then used them to make my pay offer lower than I expected, because, as he put it ‘I’m not polished yet’. Fuck you man. I have so many skills that you can’t even imagine, but you don’t want to see that.

I’ve noticed that since I started this job I don’t want to get up in the morning. Which is a sure sign with me that something is not right in my life. And I mean every day. Even on my days off, I still have that job hanging over my head.

However, I have been looking for a job for 3 months. And it was always going to be a retail job (I’m changing career directions, and don’t want a job that requires too much of my commitment, because I’m doing things in my own time.) I knew it would be like this. But now I’m doing it, I’m wondering if it’s worth it. Yes, having this job now enables me to move into the city. But is it worth this sinking feeling that’s plaguing my life right now? I don’t feel the joy of life anymore. I’m struggling to hold on to it, but I’m finding that going on my runs is a major motivational challenge, I’m playing my guitar less, and I’m eating worse.

Maybe it’s worth staying unemployed for a while, just to really target myself at the things I love? Or am I being a total immature wimp, who just needs to grit my teeth and stick it out?

God this is complex. I’m determined though. Give me a couple of months, I think…

Thank God I did as much research on hosts as I did. I’m thoroughly impressed. I got advice from their tech support through a live web chat, and when what their advised didn’t fix the problem, they fixed it for me.

So now I have WordPress up an running! Next step- customising the layout. Am halfway through learning basic html, so will play with that a bit. Wish me luck!

I know what I was doing wrong, and I understand how to get wordpress up and running.

Bad news… In the process of figuring this out, I have managed to pretty much disble everything. Including somehow deleting my domain off my host account. FAAARK!

I have sent a message to customer support, hopefully they’ll respond soon. Would be nice if they can restore everything to the initial settings. Oh dear….